Re-Start..

I think it is time..

My new life started a few days ago. It is not exactly what I imagined it would be. I cannot exactly express if it has been better or worse. I probably didn't have anything in mind when I came here. If nothing else, I was expecting it to be a life altering experience. And, it surely is turning out to be! For, this is the first time I am living on my own in a place far far away from the comforts of my home. I am unable to put it in words as to how weird it feels.

Even though, it has been only a few days but it feels like a long time. Maybe, because there has suddenly been a tremendous shift in how everything functions here. Time has suddenly become a physical entity. It's like I can almost hold it.

I am still not sure where am headed. This isn't how I exactly planned things to be. But then, my plans haven't been so good so maybe, it's better this way. 

Just Another Day...

So, I grew an year older today. It feels... well, the same! Except that I am in no mood to celebrate. I don't feel like jumping with joy and going to mom and ask her for something, like I always do on all my birthdays. This year is different. So much has changed, and how! The day reminds me of exactly an year ago; the celebrations, being with all of my closest friends and sharing the joy together, but with that, it also reminds me of the hospital trip the next day.. A lot changed in that one trip! He suddenly began to diminish in his existence, and I cannot forget anything about it. So, when people ask me what are my 'plans' for today, I am just reminded of that hospital trip, and it doesn't concern me if it's my 26th birthday or whatever! I do not wish to cut that cake and smile, and laugh and have fun. I do not want to feel ecstatic because I have grown an year old. I do not want to reject the reality, that in fact I have grown 'old' and have achieved nothing. I fail to see where is the reason for which I should celebrate. They tell me to be a little upbeat, and positive. But, how could I be. I just want this day to pass, like any other day. I just want it to be over! All of it...