I Believe I Can Fly.... Again!

If only there was a way to attain peace, I would have given my everything to enjoy it for even a fraction of a second, at present. But I guess it's too much I am asking for. Or, is it? Wasn't there a time when everything was in place, and I was at peace? Or, was there? I guess it has been too long to count it in.

I fail to recall when was the last time I was not thinking too much. I can't even trace back the path that lead me here, at this position. I guess I wouldn't be able to define this position. It seems like impossible, or if there was a word to define beyond impossibility. Such is the situation, I fail to understand the whys and hows myself, so silence is the reply to them who want to help me restate myself. I wish I could be helped, but it is that word that defines the beyond of impossibility.

There are people who really, actually, desperately want to see that lost smile on my face. Then, there are those who are satisfied with that pretentious smile of mine. When do I not laugh! And, then there are those who want to help me, but are trying hard to be convinced with that same fictitious smile, because they know the possibilities. I have no grievances with either of them. It is what they see, it is what they believe... But I am disappointed with myself; the failure at being normal once, or again.

It is not me failing to explain, or express; it is like a failed explanation. I know not a way to say it. The closest word I can find right now is "restless", if it qualifies to explain my inability to be at peace mentally and beyond. 

I write when I am upset, or when I am too happy. It brings me closer to what am seeking, add more to the happiness. But the same happiness is dotted with an expiry date. Where is the peace?, they ask. Exactly, where is the peace? I search.

The quest has been on, since I don't know how long. If only I didn't believe in the existence  of normality, I'd have given up long back. But, I believe...

It has been forever since you're gone...
 This little hope is why am still holding on!