Whatever Happened?

I wanted to be the only person who can see this blog, so that I can write anything I want without having to think twice before doing so. But, I am kind of bound by my own freedom. I do not know what to write, or how to. There has been a pattern to all the posts; an identity of their own. I never thought of the people who were gonna read what I write, so that I don't have to compromise on my freedom in the name of universal accessibility. But yes, I do think carefully about 'what' to write. 'How' is probably not of my concern, but it was the 'what' that wanted me to hide this blog from everyone.

I don't know if this is the reason, but I just overtook somebody along the road. A companion. No, it wasn't a second that clicked on my watch, it was an eternity. I have known this moment since ages, and yet it's all so new. Time surely is a miraculous thing; re-casts everything with itself.

It is sad when a stranger tells you things you'd never want to hear, even from your own friends. But it is sadder when a friend becomes a stranger and hurt you in a way that even a 'true' stranger can not. It's more than painful, its close to rubbing the wounds, if it gives a sense of degree to it. But you cannot ignore the reason why the said friend would turn his back on you. It's probably the thing most easily neglected, but somewhere deep beneath those several layers of complaints and aches, you know you were responsible for it somewhere, even if it was a fraction of a nothing. 

I don't know how I ended up here. I have walked too much ahead of what this was supposed to be. I remember myself being the ridiculously ignorant brat who didn't give a damn to whatever complexities life had worn for him. The term for him today is 'mean', or better... 'selfish'. I am not here to defend myself, but to complain. Complain to God, about making me feel so helpless. I do not want people's sympathy; neither their testimonies to my 'goodness' nor their MoU with me. In plain simple words, I just want God to explain me this simple thing... why did I have to evolve into this excessively complicated creature who has his own ways to define things. I am thankful to Him for making things so complicatedly easy for me to identify with them. But, why couldn't He had just given everyone the same level of simplifying complexities. Does that make me unique? Or, is it weird? I guess, it's the 'odd one out' more than anything else. 

I am tired of trying to get to the roots of this heavily intricate and complex structure of mine. 

I started with writing diary entries once, to get my English right. It took, surprisingly very little time to do so. But, now it's all about getting my 'self' right. And, it surely is taking a forever!

The Lights are Out!

One for the unending smile on their face

When they put in all their efforts to twist their fate

A hint of a joy over the slightest hope

A glint of an achievement over the faintest nothing

Let's do it once, let's act above our self

Let's give them joy, let's be someone else!

Flashbacks are something that rarely happen in the real life.

It was the burst of a cracker that brought one for me. It brought back the nights from more than a decade ago. 

It is the eve of the Diwali, and everywhere around is nothing but the brightly lit diyas and colorful lights. It was perhaps a lifetime ago, when this day meant more than a holiday to me, when it was an eagerness to burn the crackers, light the diyas, not thinking even once about the superficial existence of the so-called religious differences. Perhaps there were not any, back then, and there indeed are not any. The sheer joy derived out of the colorful crackers was worth listening to those self-righteous-orthodox-religious-laureates.

But...

Gone are the days...

Lighting up hopes!

Walking down the chilling asphalt road, I look at these dwindling flames in the middle of almost nowhere. It is not my curiosity, but I have to walk towards my destination. The waving flames are now dotted with a bleak laughter, but I do not see a human figure until I am in close proximity to the kids that now I can see clearly. Yes, it is the festival of lights and everywhere is a dense group of people celebrating in the best of their ways; yet, here I am, staring at some of the creatures trying to find happiness in a candle that is now only an inch of melted wax. I wouldn't mind if they come bothering me to give them a penny, but today, they won't. There is an intangible hope in their eyes; a hope to get everything from somebody far above the smoky sky tonight.

Maybe, burning the crackers and jumping with joy was my style of celebration years ago. But today, it is an attempt to give these little kids an excuse to rejoice. It is only a handful of chocolates and crackers to me, but it is a 'Diwali' for them.
And, this is the least I can do. 
Because, it's good to be human sometimes!

Making 'non'Sense!

I got up this morning and thought of doing something extraordinary. And more than the day has passed, I am still looking for that 'extraordinary' to be done. Stupid thoughts I have sometimes, I must say.

So, since morning I have been carefully observing everything that I have come across (and that is to say, computer, tv and food) so as to find something to be done in the name of doing extraordinary. Nevertheless, the search had to end somewhere.

The greatest thoughts come when you are attending the nature's call (I truly believe that). So, I was about to flush my potty when it came to my mind (I know you are going all yucky already), the potty reminded me of someone. Not the look of it, not the smell of it (I am going to die of the overdose of my own nonsense today), but the sheer idea of it... you know... being a 'waste'. I can not think of anyone else more 'waste'ful at this time, than the person who's been shitting on my life for the past four months (I had almost written the name, but my keyboard blasted itself because its keys couldn't bear the mention of his name). Coming back to the potty reminder; he's almost as good as 'shit' (waste, disgusting, and the smell that could kill, literally) but even there he's a step ahead of the poor potty. The innocent potty is at least washed away and makes you feel lighter (of course, you can't deny that, no matter how grossed out you are with this); but the shit eating loser is stuck to the seat (read, my life) permanently it seems, and no matter how hard I flush, he's not going to go anywhere and will just add on to the stink.

Now, am thinking why I ended up here (I had to do something extraordinary, right?). So, I haven't 'done' anything extraordinary. I have just discovered something to make up for it. And my discovery? Well, that contrary to my old saying 'Shit happens! Flush it', I have reached a point where I can not resist modifying it a bit...
***(I just wanted to keep my keyboard safe) happens, flush youself, because he's not gonna go anywhere! (Sadly)

P.S. I have made my non'sense', so now I can happily resume with making sense.
And damn, the loser has beaten up the potty too! (*puked and died*)