Giving Up and Getting On!

Amongst all that sleepless nights, sleepy mind and the sleeplessness state... 

Not being able to close the eyes, get them filled with sleep; not able to get beyond that darkness at nights. When your mind wants to take some rest, when your friends tell you not to; when their mothers find remedies to fix you, when you still believe in 'it's all going to be better soon' and when you give up all the hope you had... It is then you realize there is something wrong with you! 

You couldn't be helped and yet there's a dejected voice telling you 'they never tried'.

Smile... that's all you can! Like always, nobody knows what's behind it; you never thought of what could be! 

Shutting off the mind, like it could be. Capable of thinking a lot of too much at a time, is that a talent? Maybe, if you could do a lot at the same time, that would make a talent. I look back at the past, like I am actually 'looking' at it in real; where did this happen, when? There's no logical explanation to why the brain started calculating too much at once. I wasn't bitten by a genetically cloned spider, or was I? Does that thing even happen in real? How do you explain it then... Oh! Yes, you don't... you can't! 

The man in the white cloak tells me to take a break. Break from? He fails to comment... Was that mine to answer? Only if i knew, would I be then visiting him? I doubt. 

I always had the answer somewhere, I guess... but I am too afraid to reveal it, to myself. I shall wait... till I am ready. For now, I will visit the dreams with my eyes open!

It wouldn't be too soon... but I shall wait till it's clearer I see!

A Remembrance...

Nothing in life is permanent, I had my reasons to believe, but is there? Sometimes I am forced to think were you even real?, you were always too good to be true. It is like you were here the other day, and yet no one believes me that there was an 'other' day!

How can someone cease to exist? You can only dump those cups and glasses of the guava juice in that green dustbin, but you can't erase the memory of you sipping on them. Maybe you can take away the creases from the bedsheets on the small bed in the corner of that poorly lit room, but you failed to destroy my recollection of you creating them... It is too long when you count all these years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds and their fractions... but they are just about countable in my memory of those seven days.

Memories... do they count? You can't put them out in a tray and show the world, and even if you could, it is not possible to make people see them the way you almost live them each and every passing day... It is almost like you never existed! I am not bothered if every single person tells me you were a lie; it is only when you make me stop believing you were real. 

Will I ever see you again? Will there be a day when am reassured that you did exist? Maybe not. What is it that keeps me away from giving up on you... Were it only those seven days? Or, these several days when you have given me reasons to never let you go, just by being a permanent memory! 

You are permanent... Even if everything else cease to exist, even if I ceased to exist; you'd still find a way to be still here, on my mind!

My eyes are still heavy, and it's not the sleep... it's you!