It's been almost twenty days.. doesn't feel like. You go to that place atop a mound, to pray, to repent and more than anything - to fill the void. It wasn't until that very moment that you realized how huge this void was becoming. You have an outer shell that you wont penetrate through and find out who you really are. People say all kind of things, to comfort you and you just listen, knowing exactly what they mean. Their words are just shallow, and no, they aren't fake; they are just not comforting!
He was the reason you never wrote your name on your design sheets; he taught you humility, taught you that 'showing off' is inhuman. He was the reason you think twice before jumping a signal; he taught you to be patient, taught you that everything happens on its own, just in time. No, you weren't exactly close, you cannot put words to what you were. You never got time to delve deeper why exactly was there that certain disconnect between you and him.
Now you just go there everyday, you look at that headstone and reminisce about all those memories you had completely forgotten over the past few years. You remember the trivia quizzes he hosted on certain nights, at the terrace, when the power was gone. You remember him awarding that one rupee coin for your right answer, even though you weren't. You think there wouldn't be much to look back, but there is just so much.. He's given so much to you, it is just weird that men in your family are so introvert about affection and sharing things openly. You never exchanged more than a few sentences, and yet you know there was all this care and love unspoken and undisplayed. How he wanted so many things from you.. for you.. is beyond your understanding, and somehow it all just fits in right! He was your old man.. He was your ideal.. He was the reason for everything you boast about!
It's too long ever since you tried remembering all these things... But somehow all those quizzes, outings in the car with the red light, lessons on life and so much more... everything just stays with you, while he's far away in a much better place. You do miss him, you just won't show..
He was the reason you never wrote your name on your design sheets; he taught you humility, taught you that 'showing off' is inhuman. He was the reason you think twice before jumping a signal; he taught you to be patient, taught you that everything happens on its own, just in time. No, you weren't exactly close, you cannot put words to what you were. You never got time to delve deeper why exactly was there that certain disconnect between you and him.
Now you just go there everyday, you look at that headstone and reminisce about all those memories you had completely forgotten over the past few years. You remember the trivia quizzes he hosted on certain nights, at the terrace, when the power was gone. You remember him awarding that one rupee coin for your right answer, even though you weren't. You think there wouldn't be much to look back, but there is just so much.. He's given so much to you, it is just weird that men in your family are so introvert about affection and sharing things openly. You never exchanged more than a few sentences, and yet you know there was all this care and love unspoken and undisplayed. How he wanted so many things from you.. for you.. is beyond your understanding, and somehow it all just fits in right! He was your old man.. He was your ideal.. He was the reason for everything you boast about!
It's too long ever since you tried remembering all these things... But somehow all those quizzes, outings in the car with the red light, lessons on life and so much more... everything just stays with you, while he's far away in a much better place. You do miss him, you just won't show..
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