I Was Her Number One... She Told Me So

So, no one told you life was gonna be this way.
Your Job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. 

Don't you just want to quit then? Or, maybe shut off everything around. But, would it help the feeling of being let down? 

I have spent half my life blaming people and things for all that didn't work out for me. But, what happens when I am put to blame? And worse, when I know I am to blame. The feeling is much more painful when instead of being let down, you let down someone, and even worse than that, someone who loved you more than you deserved. It's not in my hands to control when I am let down but how do I help myself when I had the control of letting or not letting down someone, but yet I couldn't use the control. The feeling is awful, and it goes stronger every next minute that passes by, because - 

I was her number one... She told me so

And losing the privilege of being someone's number one hurts, but the only thing that comforts you is the fact that there won't be any replacement to you, there won't ever be a number one for her again. But, is it something that should cheer you up? Knowing that you destructed someone's 'number one' and seized all the faith in life she had, because now she knows that there won't or rather shouldn't be a next.

So, when people ask you the same question several times 'Would you let her go just like that?' How do you tell them that you've failed to collect the right words that would construct the answer to this! And that's because, there's going to be no answer that would justify the question. Or maybe, there's no answer to this. Why answer the obvious? But, shouldn't they be thinking Why ask the obvious?

It is not going to be easy to let her go just like that but there's nothing to be done when there's no way out, and everyone would still convince you that there's still a way to fix those cracks, but you're just pretending to be convinced not because as what goes for me..

It's not going to be easy to convince me, for, I do not want to be convinced.

But, because none of them wouldn't still know an answer to an 'it's all over'. You know it's not just just three words but how do you translate it to words? You can not.

And, then you move on keeping them all under an illusion that you let her go just like that, because it's not possible to explain the simplest thing that...

Something’s gotta change... Things cannot stay the same

Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

To yourself, you still believe the same -

I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers

 And I cannot help because

I loved her first... and then I shut her off my life!